One of the things that can help you stay motivated, even when times are rough, is having accountability. As in having an accountability partner (like I did at first when starting to meditate) and being accountable in other ways (like saying out loud you’re going to do something, just so you’ll feel accountable, like I do with my writing buddies).
So here goes – I need to do yoga twice a day from now on! I also need to keep meditating, doing a gratitude exercise twice daily, and keep putting self-care to the top of my list. You see, I kind of tend to ignore things like my body saying ”come on, dude, get a grip, I’m suffering here!”, even when I can feel bile rise in my throat from stress. But sooner or later my body wins over my tendency to ignore it, by simply becoming so filled with aches and simply stopping to work. As in when it gets really bad I can’t walk unsupported and can’t sit for longer than 20 minutes, and need help doing lots of things.
Which is not ideal.
So I’m choosing to really set myself a task – be good to yourself, and hold yourself accountable! Do to yourself as you do to others – you’re making them take care of themselves in all sorts of way, do that to yourself too!
Yesterday I kind of quit as a cleaner and cook at home. And my kids were all just – you do you, Mom, we’ve got it! It seems all these years of working on a team spirit in this household has really paid off. They are in fact complaining less than usual, and help out with so many chores, that for the first time since my body started battling my spirit (almost 17 years ago when I gave birth to my oldest child) I’m feeling I can actually relax and take care of myself and just sit in the greenhouse and knit while the rest of the family is taking care of the rest. And of me.
They get me sandwiches and water, they let me play opera at full volume at times 🙂 (not really! But I have to test my new surround system, and what better way to do that than to play ”Ride of the Valkyries” or ”In the Hall of the Mountain King”?)
Sure, there are still tensions. But on the whole, I think my kids are old enough, and mature enough to understand that I need to take care of my body and spirit now. And to help me with that.
I feel like I’ve got all the essentials covered at the moment. I live in a lovely house with a garden that can sustain us quite a bit, especially now that we’re expanding the cultivation beds (or whatever they’re called). My kids are doing reasonably well with their distance schooling. My husband Niklas is starting to complain less, and is re-building the smaller green house which is awesome. My meds stopped being produced about a month and a half back, and at first I thought it was a disaster. I was really depressed for a day or so, and had to write a short story, just to get out of that mood. Then I started a new program, The Pain Fix Protocol, that amazingly came out just that very day! So I’m doing something every day to try to beat the aches and pains of my body. I’m also doing the Christmas gift to my family – a yoga program by the amazing Lucas Rockwood. His Hip-opening challenge was really great for Niklas, Noel and I, and we’re doing it for the second (or third?) time now. We’ll do his back-bend challenge in May, which I’m really looking forward to!
My only thing on the bucket list right now – to go for a walk to my favorite place, the nature reserve about a kilometer from our house. I went the last time about a month ago, and this is what it looked like back then:
And children playing in the woods. You can sometimes hear their voices, and see traces of their play.
P.S. Here’s a post I wrote (in Swedish, but Mr Google can probably translate it for you!) I wrote about what it was like living in constant pain. There were 2 hard parts for me: 1. the pain, of course but also 2. the fact that most people who saw me just assumed I was lazy or a shrew or a bad wife or something, for asking my husband to do things for me. Not all handicaps are visible! …it also reminds me I need to take more selfies! I haven’t been in many pictures for a long while, and I definitely don’t look as glamorous as I did in that old post!