That break I took this summer turned into a long blog break! And I’m unfortunately only popping by just to tell you all that I’m still here, I’m still crafting (a bit), photographing (very little), writing (also just the least amount I can), gardening (a lot!), out walking (too little for my taste), swimming (much more than usual!), and above all – being mindful and taking care of my health!
Because that’s the theme for my 2020 – getting healthy! The pandemic happened to coincide with my long time medication not being produced any longer, so I got to really search my soul and my mind and try to find strategies to cope despite having all sorts of health issue as a result.
But I’m still here, and I’m happier than ever, even if a bit too ache:y from day to day, but the mood is great – I love being the mom of three teenagers, and I love my new hobby – painting abstract cows! (through Amanda Evanston – check out her website for the most awesome painting lessons!) The best thing? I can paint even though my eyes aren’t cooperating with me.
Because this is the main reason for my changing life: the medication stopping plus other factors have made changes to my eyesight. I can’t see properly up close and I have to limit how much I read and write every day. Scrolling is especially difficult, which might account for me being in such a good mood, now that I think about it! I can’t doomscroll like the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this also means I have to write most of this text without watching the screen, so it takes a little bit more effort nowadays to write just about anything (especially online messages – they’re the worst to write). So this will probably be the last post for a while until my eyes get used to my reading glasses.
Therefore I’m leaving you for a while – hopefully not too long! With a lot of pictures I already had edited and resized before my eyesight went haywire. It’s a mixed bunch, but it’s the best I can at the moment – I can press click on the camera, but I can’t see if the picture I’ve taken is good or edit it. But I’m in a good mood as I said, because I have my painting and audiobooks and my kids who help me so much! <3
Pre-haircut me – if you follow me on Instagram, you’ve probably seen that I cut off all my hair!
🙂 This is a post I planned on posting last year! But first I had to get permission from all involved, and then I sort of forgot it. People have been posting things they did before everything changed, and this is definitely one of those things! I don’t think my family will visit any amusement parks this summer. But maybe the summer after that.
First a lunch at a table previously occupied by seagulls. Niklas, our oldest son and I didn’t want to go for any rides, so we took our time eating pizza and walking around while the others had fun on the rides.
So many rides!
When they were finished we had a fancy dinner at the top of Näsinneula. Or us adults did – the kids got to go for more rides and cheaper food (that was included in their bracelets).
It was such a fun day! Särkänniemi is definitely worth a visit, and with older kids like ours we felt comfortable leaving them to their own devices while we ate at the a la carte-restaurant. A win-win for everyone involved!
We’ve had snow so many times already in May! And almost no snow this winter, so it feels very odd. But on the plus side – the spring flowers are still blooming!
I’m still recuperating after a chaotic blend of allergies, RS-virus (we think) and a bad reaction to a medicine. I went for my first walk in two months yesterday, so today I’m resting. My body craves rest at the moment, so it’s not a bad thing that we haven’t got anything in our calendars.
We’ve also welcomed a lot of pollinators! That’s it for a short status update from me. I’ve been cutting down on my ”shoulds”, since I really need to focus on healing. As a result I don’t photograph as much as I usually do, or write, but hopefully that will change soon. I’m already feeling more energized, and soon the kids summer holidays are starting – we are all looking forward to that!
But the end result will be amazing – just like the bulbs that look like nothing much when you put them in the ground in the autumn.
All of a sudden there there, and just demanding attention! Such beauties…!
The evenings have been filled with this wonderful light, that really shows off the flowers. Like the botanical tulips above – botanical tulips are my favorite tulips. They propagate by themselves, and are usually quite hardy.
Among them, these more sensitive beauties, that are a leftover from last years flower boxes.
Here’s a weird thought that sometimes strikes me – I’m not worth anything to society.
I’m worth quite a lot to my husband and my kids and my bunnies. But society? Doesn’t care if I live or die.
To society I’m just a bit of statistics. Someone who doesn’t qualify for work benefits, doesn’t qualify as a carer (or only does that after the need for care is over). Who uses up other people’s taxes (because I don’t seem to earn enough myself to pay them personally). Who is a burden to our health care system (as little as I possibly can! I prefer fixing broken toes at home than going to hospital).
In the large scheme of things, I’m one of those 0,9% that might potentially die in, say, a pandemic. I’m definitely one of those 1 in 5 who might end up in hospital taking up hospital beds if they’re not really careful and really lucky!
Which makes me feel really not taken care of at times. Like where is the empathy for the people who are above 70 years old (70?! It’s not old people! It’s just a number, a random number at that, that just happens to be a even number.)
Or the empathy for people nearing 70 for that matter, like someone we personally knew who recently died after spending 5 weeks on a respirator.
Most of us expect to live far beyond 80, but all of a sudden a bunch of people are willing to sacrifice everyone older than them just so they can go on pretending everything is normal, go on their cruises and whatnot.
Where is the empathy for all the children with debilitating diseases, who were even before this happened struggling with having a normal childhood.
Where is the empathy for all those anonymous numbers who are walking around, looking for all the world like their happy and healthy, but who might have underlying conditions that might make them susceptible to say, for example a new pandemic. Who knows – that person might even be you. I know it’s me. And I know I don’t want to risk dying before my time, if I can prevent that.
The problem is – I alone can’t prevent myself from getting sick. I need everyone. All of you. I need everyone to keep their distance, to think about their choices. To not go shopping with all their kids and all their family. To be extra careful about hygiene. To not let their children play with whomever they want unsupervised (because if you don’t know it – kids do transmit disease! No matter what headlines some newspaper choose to run with, children do transmit and do contract disease.). Also newsflash: your kids aren’t just sitting around with 2 m distance talking about schoolwork or ticktock or whatever – they’re actually running around in packs of 15 or more, making pranks and posting on my kids social media.
We can all see you! We know you’re not following the guidelines. And who knows? Maybe you or your friend might be the one who infected the people here in my hometown? Nobody knows, since not enough people are getting tested. And that is the whole point! We don’t know who is going around with a mild case of the disease, so we must all act as if we might be! Not to protect ourselves, if we’re confident enough we’re not in the risk group, but to protect everyone else.
The older people.
The people working in health care.
The kids with preexisting conditions (and there are much more of them than you’d think!)
The grownups with preexisting conditions.
That’s about a fifth of the population right there. A million people in Finland, who could potentially all become sick and end up in hospital, which nobody wants – not even those who are willing to sacrifice old people. A million people of which some are worth something (those who have an important work for example), enough so that society shuts down and thinks of alternate solutions. But when push comes to shove- there is only so much money society is prepared to spend on people.
That’s the hard truth.
Me – I’m practically worthless.
P.S. What I actually do in my everyday life is:
– take care of my whole family including kids with lots of diagnosis – I was being a full time caretaker for 12 years, without getting paid.
– take care of our house, including chopping wood, heating it, cleaning
– supervise our whole family, so that we’re all helping with the cleaning of the house, gardening etc
– recovering from a physical birth trauma and having stopped the meds for that cold turkey because the factory stopped producing it. Which means doing yoga and meditating twice, plus trying to lower my stress levels (*maniacal laughter* 🙂 ) plus doing lymph drainage manually, plus other things to try to become as well as I can
-recovering from lots of stress related issues, including a bout of shingles and shingles pain that doesn’t seem to want to go away
– and lots and lots of more things. I’m also trying to find time to do the things I enjoy most, which is write (at the moment, I’m writing 2 sentences a day!)
None of that of value to society. But it is of value to me and to my family. And I hope that other people would see it as valuable also.
Happy Valborg/Walpurgis night everyone!
We’re celebrating at home, with lots of colors, good food, a bit of dancing and a very embarrassing mother who keeps making dad jokes…!
Valborg equals spring here up North, so here’s to hoping spring gets the message and reappears this year too!
I don’t recall the exact recipe we used for this cake (or rather, my daughter did, since it was she who baked the cake), but our collection of mostly paleo and vegan recipes can be found here on Pinterest.
Have a lovely weekend!
One of the things that can help you stay motivated, even when times are rough, is having accountability. As in having an accountability partner (like I did at first when starting to meditate) and being accountable in other ways (like saying out loud you’re going to do something, just so you’ll feel accountable, like I do with my writing buddies).
So here goes – I need to do yoga twice a day from now on! I also need to keep meditating, doing a gratitude exercise twice daily, and keep putting self-care to the top of my list. You see, I kind of tend to ignore things like my body saying ”come on, dude, get a grip, I’m suffering here!”, even when I can feel bile rise in my throat from stress. But sooner or later my body wins over my tendency to ignore it, by simply becoming so filled with aches and simply stopping to work. As in when it gets really bad I can’t walk unsupported and can’t sit for longer than 20 minutes, and need help doing lots of things.
Which is not ideal.
So I’m choosing to really set myself a task – be good to yourself, and hold yourself accountable! Do to yourself as you do to others – you’re making them take care of themselves in all sorts of way, do that to yourself too!
Yesterday I kind of quit as a cleaner and cook at home. And my kids were all just – you do you, Mom, we’ve got it! It seems all these years of working on a team spirit in this household has really paid off. They are in fact complaining less than usual, and help out with so many chores, that for the first time since my body started battling my spirit (almost 17 years ago when I gave birth to my oldest child) I’m feeling I can actually relax and take care of myself and just sit in the greenhouse and knit while the rest of the family is taking care of the rest. And of me.
They get me sandwiches and water, they let me play opera at full volume at times 🙂 (not really! But I have to test my new surround system, and what better way to do that than to play ”Ride of the Valkyries” or ”In the Hall of the Mountain King”?)
Sure, there are still tensions. But on the whole, I think my kids are old enough, and mature enough to understand that I need to take care of my body and spirit now. And to help me with that.
I feel like I’ve got all the essentials covered at the moment. I live in a lovely house with a garden that can sustain us quite a bit, especially now that we’re expanding the cultivation beds (or whatever they’re called). My kids are doing reasonably well with their distance schooling. My husband Niklas is starting to complain less, and is re-building the smaller green house which is awesome. My meds stopped being produced about a month and a half back, and at first I thought it was a disaster. I was really depressed for a day or so, and had to write a short story, just to get out of that mood. Then I started a new program, The Pain Fix Protocol, that amazingly came out just that very day! So I’m doing something every day to try to beat the aches and pains of my body. I’m also doing the Christmas gift to my family – a yoga program by the amazing Lucas Rockwood. His Hip-opening challenge was really great for Niklas, Noel and I, and we’re doing it for the second (or third?) time now. We’ll do his back-bend challenge in May, which I’m really looking forward to!
My only thing on the bucket list right now – to go for a walk to my favorite place, the nature reserve about a kilometer from our house. I went the last time about a month ago, and this is what it looked like back then:
And children playing in the woods. You can sometimes hear their voices, and see traces of their play.
P.S. Here’s a post I wrote (in Swedish, but Mr Google can probably translate it for you!) I wrote about what it was like living in constant pain. There were 2 hard parts for me: 1. the pain, of course but also 2. the fact that most people who saw me just assumed I was lazy or a shrew or a bad wife or something, for asking my husband to do things for me. Not all handicaps are visible! …it also reminds me I need to take more selfies! I haven’t been in many pictures for a long while, and I definitely don’t look as glamorous as I did in that old post!